Open your eyes

How much do you really know about your neighbors?  About your friends?  Your co-workers?  Your kid's friends?  Would you be able to recognize the signs of abuse and if so, would you have the courage to do something about it?  


We've all read or seen the stories on TV about children that were abused or kidnapped.  Or you may even know someone that has gone through that hell.  I'm always interested to know what the people around them saw before it was discovered and what if anything they did to help. 


Here's a few well publicized examples:


A seven year old girl was discovered living in a cage in her family home's dark and cold basement.  Her parents horribly abused her and her brothers for years.  Her older brother eventually walked to the police station barefoot and without a coat in the middle of winter to report what was going on.  


My question is where was the extended family?  Where were her teachers?  Where were the parent's friends?  Where were the neighbors?  I understand that the parents probably isolated themselves, most abusers do.  But this girl did go to school and the teachers should have been able to read the signs.   If nothing else shouldn't the neighbors have noticed that the kids were never outside playing, laughing, acting like healthy happy kids?  Should they not have wondered?  


http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Update-on-the-Girl-Forced-to-Live-in-a-Cage/2


What about the story of Jaycee Dugard?  She was kidnapped in broad daylight by Phillip and Nancy Garrido and held captive for eighteen years.  She bore his two children and was never allowed to leave the confines of his property.  What struck me the most about this story was the testimonials from the neighbors and acquaintances of the Garrido's.  They talked about how the property was surrounded by 8-foot privacy fences, that he never let anyone inside the house, they could see that there were structures in the backyard covered up in tarps.  In fact Phillip was known in the neighborhood as 'Creepy Phil'.  And if that wasn't enough Phillip was in fact a registered sex offender.  The worst thing I read was that there had been contact with Jaycee at some points throughout the ordeal by neighbors.  One man talks about how he spoke to her through a fence but thought nothing of it because he was so young.  I only wish that he would have said something to his parents that night and I would hope that they would wonder why a young girl was hanging out in Phillip's backyard.  

These are some of the cases we know about.  How many children are being abused that we don't know about?  People are so afraid to get involved, to meddle in other people's affairs.  That just makes me sick.  Do you think your fears compare to the fear an abused child goes through?  Put yourself in that child's shoes.  Feel the terror, the fear, the hopelessness, the shame.  Would you not want someone to get involved and stop the abuse?  


Child abuse can be hard to detect at times. Many children hide their abuse for fear that they will be harmed even more. They feel that no one will believe them if they say something. Or even worse - they'll get the blame. Simple changes in a child can be seen when they are being abused (this is not to say that all children with these symptoms are being abused):

• Changes in sleep patterns
• Changes in appetite
• Changes in moods (may be withdrawn or may be aggressive)
• They may change their style of clothing (wearing longer sleeves for example)

Here are some symptoms of various forms of abuse according to the American Academy of Pediatrics:

Signs of Physical Abuse

• Any injury (bruise, burn, fracture, abdominal or head injury) that cannot be explained

Signs of Sexual Abuse

• Fearful behavior (nightmares, depression, unusual fears, attempts to run away)
• Abdominal pain, bedwetting, urinary tract infection, genital pain or bleeding, sexually transmitted disease
• Extreme sexual behavior that seems inappropriate for the child's age

Signs of Emotional Abuse

• Sudden change in self-confidence
• Headaches or stomachaches with no medical cause
• Abnormal fears, increased nightmares
• Attempts to run away

Signs of Emotional Neglect

• Failure to gain weight (especially in infants)
• Desperately affectionate behavior
• Voracious appetite and stealing of food

If you suspect a child is being abused, it’s critical to get them the help he or she needs. Reporting child abuse seems so official. Many people are reluctant to get involved in other families’ lives.

Understanding some of the myths behind reporting may help put your mind at ease if you need to report child abuse.

• I don’t want to interfere in someone else’s family. The effects of child abuse are lifelong, affecting future relationships, self-esteem, and sadly putting even more children at risk of abuse as the cycle continues. Help break the cycle of child abuse.
• What if I break up someone’s home? The priority in child protective services is keeping children in the home. A child abuse report does not mean a child is automatically removed from the home - unless the child is clearly in danger. Support such as parenting classes, anger management or other resources may be offered first to parents if safe for the child.
• They will know it was me who called. Reporting is anonymous. In most states, you do not have to give your name when you report child abuse. The child abuser cannot find out who made the report of child abuse.
• It won’t make a difference what I have to say. If you have a gut feeling that something is wrong, it is better to be safe than sorry. Even if you don’t see the whole picture, others may have noticed as well, and a pattern can help identify child abuse that might have otherwise slipped through the cracks.

Keeping your eyes open and getting involved is not easy.  Yes it's hard.  Yes it's complicated.  Yes it's frightening.  But I urge you to keep your eyes open and recognize the signs.


We all owe it to each other.  If we don't help each other, who will?